I completely forgot I set up this blog until today when I decided I needed an outlet for my grief. After 10 long and wonderful years of caring for my husband my journey has taken on a new form _ Grieving confusion a day to day conundrum.
My husband won his battle with cancer this summer and is now a guardian angel to me and our three children. He was just 38 when diagnosed and at the time we had a 6 year old daughter, a 3 year old son and I was 4 months pregnant with our third child.
Now 10 years later and three months of family medical leave act under my belt, I return to my job and upon opening my work email saw a benign correspondence between my husband and a work acquaintance discussing how best to invest for the future.
It took my breath away to see his name pop up in an email from just three months ago. For just a nanosecond I thought he was still with me.
It's the little things like this that make grief unbearable. The day to day reminders that knock you completely off balance.
The first time I had to circle widowed on a form.
The first time I had to say my husband is deceased.
The first time I received a laminate copy of my child's soccer team roster and I was the only parent listed.
I thought my anniversary, which was just a month after his passing, would be incredibly difficult, but it came and went without even so much as a thought.
I was astonished several weeks later when I realized I had not remembered. Strange how something that was such a big deal has been overshadowed by an email.
